I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
