i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
