We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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