It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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