Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
