it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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