i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
