There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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