I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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