This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
