I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
