No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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