My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
