we made out on top of his cat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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