dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
