At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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