I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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