There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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