why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
