That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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