and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
