I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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