Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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