actually, I'm a sock model
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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