Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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