8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
