Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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