the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
