awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
