Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
