I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
