rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
