so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
