i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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