I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
