while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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