I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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