whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
