Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
