"it" just moved
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
