A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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