? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
