And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
