Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
