Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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