i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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