She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
