hotel room ftw
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
