yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
