Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
