i already hear my dad disowning me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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