using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
