I think i peed on brittanys purse
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
