At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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