Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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