I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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