Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
