were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
